The Recount

The Recount
George W. Bush, meet Edgar A. Poe.
BY CLAUDIA ROSETT
Thursday, November 30, 2000 12:01 a.m. EST

Once I ran, already weary, in a campaign long and dreary
Full of things that sounded like they'd all been said before.
When we finally got to voting I had hope of voters noting
All that baggage Gore was toting, all those whoppers gone before.
Surely we had heard it all. Just mark your vote for Bush or Gore
Make up your mind, and nothing more.

Then--can anyone remember?--'twas the seventh of November
With each eager network anchor rushing totals to the fore.
They declared I was the winner, then, with margins looking thinner
I almost lost my vict'ry dinner when I heard back from Al Gore--
Saying he would not concede, not while his foot was in the door
Could this recount run forever, this endeavor to be sure?
Quoth the Gore team: "Evermore."

So began the grand theatrics 'midst a mob of geriatrics
As we all surveyed the ballots once approved by Ms. LePore
With the Democrats decrying deadlines meant for certifying,
And my victory denying, saying we must count some more,
While the chads were swinging, flying, piling up upon the floor
Gore insisting, "Count some more!"

Then the lawyers brought their cases, and the lesson of this race is
Keep elections for the voters, and the lawyers please abjure
Or amidst the legal baiting and political berating
There will be no contemplating that our country matters more
Than this endless legal filing till the voters, getting sore,
Start opining, "What a bore."

Deep into the future peering, waiting for the final hearing
Asking where is the authority that can control Al Gore?
If the recount doesn't please him, is there no way to appease him?
Does no sense of justice seize him? No alternative to war?
On the airwaves comes his answer, he will fight forevermore.
Just no end to all the Gore.

And so we've gone on, gone on counting, with the lawsuits ever mounting
And the numbers ever changing, all to tilt the vote to Gore.
"Fuzzy math!," I cry, despairing, but Al Gore fights on, uncaring
Does he plan to to go on daring me to wait until '04?
Every time I win the recount, and the markets start to soar
Gore comes wailing, "Count some more!"

So I say let's join the rally, there's a Tallahassee tally
That has ere provided amply what Gore wants us to ignore.
He'd rather fuss and stew and bicker while the land grows ever sicker
And his count gets ever slicker than the mess it was before.
If it really is America we all are voting for
Then enough of this uproar!

In the face of Al Gore's mission, I'm attempting my transition,
Though Bill Clinton has the keys and says he won't unlock the door
Till his veep has finished stealing all those votes he has a feeling
Sort of might be found in dealing with these ballot counts galore.
It is time to get this over; if it's left to Mr. Gore
We will count forevermore!

Ms. Rosett is a member of The Wall Street Journal's editorial board. Her column appears Thursdays on OpinionJournal.com and in The Wall Street Journal Europe as "Letter From America."